Holding Elisha

Elisha is almost 8 months and she becomes more clinging to me. Actully, she wants me to hold her when I see her. I need to hold her for a while before I pass her to other people or left her to play alone, otherwise, she will cry loudly. Some people will say 'Don't only recognize your mom for holding, you need to be held by other people', to her, or 'You're pity that Elisha only let you hold,' to me. Well, it's quite tiring if she only let me to hold, and sometimes I really put her down and let her cry for a while because of my tireness. However, I feel sweet when she wants me and only me to hold her! She is so close to me and I can kiss her, kiss her, kiss her....! I enjoy the moment! When she gets older, she'll be more independent and one day she won't let me to hold her (I don't have strength to hold her too!) and I can't kiss her like I kiss her now. I will miss holding her and kissing her! So I will treasure any moment that I can hold her and kiss her and I hope she will treasure it too!!

Kid's TV Program

Since Elisha is able to watch TV, I spend sometimes with her to watch kid's tv programs. Most of the programs are cartoon, and I don't think Elisha understand what they are about, but just looking at the motion of the characters and listening to the voices of them. For me, some of the cartoons are interesting and they inspire me how to teach Elisha about moral lesson and answer her millions questions in the future.
Someone has said that adult's IQ will be lowered after watching too many kid's tv programs. My experience is not like that, in fact, good kid's tv programs are very educational and both kids and adults can learn a lot from those programs. Some stories are used to teach kids moral lessons, and sometimes I feel shamed that I haven't applied this morality to my daily life.
If we can carefully choose kid's tv program to watch with them, we will find that both of us will be beneficial from this activity.

Winner or loser

I am not a soccer fans but I watched some World Cup's matches. I found that most soccer fans would be disappointed when the hot teams were out, but few would celebrate the 'black horse' teams won. It seemed that we did not want any hot team to be replaced. I am disappointed to see my favorite team or hot teams out, but I think it is good to see some teams played better than before and their effort were paid. I believe that there is no always winner or loser. Just like us, nobody always wins and nobody always loses. We need to keep playing well in our roles and never assume we are the number 1 or we are the last. Never overestimate and underestimate ourselves and others. I guess it is also important to be supportive and to show our appreciation to other people's effort, and of course, we need to give ourselves credit when we do well.

Bittersweet

In this couple weeks, I have done some treatment. Through the treatment, I realized that I have a lot of hurt and pain since I was a baby. I have suppressed my anger, disappointment, grieve for a long time. I have learned to act strong, tough, independent to protect myself. However, the inner me is weak, dependent, insecure and I don't want people to see this side of me because this revelation makes me scared and vulnerable. I don't want to accept this side of me too because I am afraid that my true feelings will come out and I can't handle them. Thanks God that he led me to open my heart and see what inside me. Yes I saw the scars and I sensed the bitterness. I cried and talked about the feelings. After that I was relieved. Yes the scars are still there but they are being healed. I am gaining the strength to take off the mask which used to protect myself and show the real me in front of people.

Good Good man

Since Elisha was born, my emotion is fluctuated. I am tense and exhaused, both physically and psychologically, to take care of her. Sometimes I can't help to yell at her and I feel sorry afterwards. I feel weak and I am afraid of taking care of her. I know that something is wrong with me and I need to deal with it. Thanks God that He send me angels to help me go through this difficult time. One of the angels is my husband who always stands by me and supports me. He shares my burden and sometimes he even bears my burden. Although I sometimes immerse to my own moody world and overlook his feelings and needs, he never complain me. Today, we had a little chat and he told me that there're moments that he felt he's alone. His comment reminded me that I need to be sensitive to his needs even though I am dealing with my own issues. Once again, his love to me proves that he's a good good husband to me and good good father to Elisha!