Computer/modem

I hate waiting because it wastes my time. I especially hate to wait the computer/modem slowly process. I feel like being tortured by them because I am looking at them powerlessly and helplessly. "Why me! What have I done to you?! What's wrong with you! Please resume your function! Please perform well!" Those are said in my mind! Unfornately, the computer/modem totally ignore my feelings, nagging and begging. They just keep torturing me! At last, I surrender! I wait for my husband come home from work, and tell him how his lovely wife being tortured by the computer/modem. Then he will do his best (I guess) to revenge for me! I always believe that my husband has magical power to control the computer/modem because any problem I experienced from them most likely won't happen to him or he can deal with it in a sec! I envy him but I love it too because he's a hero to me in this moment!

Shopping

I used to shop fast: go to get what I want then go home; if there is more than 1 item I like, buy all to save decision making time.
Now I shop slow: window shopping is fine, take it as a walking exercise and a break from taking care of Elisha or as a method to make her fall asleep; if there is a thing I like, think twice or more to see if I really like it or/and need it.
The shopping pattern changed because I need to save money for Elisha's spending. It's not easy for me to do it but I'm getting use of it. Although it seems like I sacrifice financially for her, I see it as an opportunity to train myself to spend wisely. Well, I'm still not very good at it (right, hon!) , but I know I will do it better!

My little precious

Elisha is almost 9 months old, and her needs and demands keep increasing! I have to keep up with her pace to help achieve her milestones (eg, standing) or her goal (eg. flipping book). She has quite a strong will and not easy to be convinced to change her mind! Sometimes, I feel helpless, fatigue (mentally and physically) and frustrated when she is out of control. I am scared that she will become a spoiled kid because I can't discipline her. I feel trapped because her needs interfere my personal life. I feel neglected because she gets all the attention. I want back to the past that I am care-free!
When I see Elisha is happy, I am happier than her. I like to see her sleeping as she looks like an angel! While she achieves a milestone, I am excited for her! I feel melt when she wants me! I feel blessed because she is my daughter! I want her to be in my whole life!

Training course

I was busy in last week because I attended a 4 days course which could be applied to counseling. As it was an intensive class, I felt overwhelmend to memorize all the stuff! Fortunately, the instructor and classmates were very nice that keep me surviving in the class. Before I can treat my clients, I was treated. I found that my mind was clearer and my stress was lessen. This treatment helps to balance our body, release our negative emotions, set our goals and more. I need sujects to practice and if you want to try it, I am happy to work with you.

Hurt

I am upset. I am hurt. Nobody hurts me but somebody hurts my love. Somebody is also my love too. It makes me 'double upset and double hurt'. They are mother-son and I know deep down in their hearts love each other, but something (don't know what) must happen to the son that makes him change drastically. They are like mother and big brother to me. What I can do is comforting the mother as much as I can, but nothing I can do to the son. They are both Christian, especially the mother has strong faith in God and she asked me to pray that God gives her great patience to her son and God will forgive her son.
I hate to feel useless about myself and I wish I could do something for them. Yet, God tells me that He is taking care of them and He always will, and the only thing I need to do is to pray for them.

Timing

I'm busy in these few weeks: attending friends' wedding, preparing for my brother-in-law's wedding, attending training course, welcoming relatives' visit... I feel a bit stress and tired. Last weekend, I did not feel well and I was afraid that I would be too sick to attend the training course. Thanks God He protected me from getting worse. I finished the 2 days course and I was very tired and slept deeply overnight. Although it seems to be a tight schedule, I can see the timing is planned by God and He gives me enough strength to handle it. As a mother, I can't plan without considering Elisha's need, and because of it, I can't plan freely as I did in the past. Sometimes the planning process makes me frustrated because I can't think of a perfect timing to implant the plan without interfere Elisha's care. What I have experienced in this eight months was I definitely couldn't make a perfect plan, but God could! He knows what I need and He makes a plan fulfill all my needs. Through this experience, I know all things happen in His timing and His timing is perfect!